Monday, December 28, 2009

Sky's The Limit

I am so pumped for life right about now, I am THIS close to going hog-ass wild and living life to the extreme. There is so incredibly much out there that I want to do that I am having a hard time sitting still right now,.

What has come over me all of a sudden you think... Top Gear. Top gear has these special shows now and again and they travel around a part of the world. This time (season 14 episode 6) they went around south america and I am sitting at home watching... FUCK THAT. I CAN DO THAT TOO! What is stopping me? NOTHING. There is no reason why *I* cannot do that as well.

And on a different point, I'll show you acting used to be once upon a day, not these kiddies who run around the screen these days and think they are the bee's knees.

This is what I want to bring to the masses some day in the future, with a bit of luck and patience. I give you Peter O'Toole, witness what PROPER acting is, this guy hasn't been nominated for EIGHT (count em') oscars for nothing. Although I must say, I don't really give a dogs bollocks about award ceremonies and fluff like that, nothing to wish for.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Some Tunes I've Been Listening To Lately

Yes, I love classical music! And it's gonna be the theme for the night. I've been living and breathing these kinds of tunes for the past few years, I can't see it changing anytime soon.

Song I found from the amazing film 2046,

Cecilia Bartoli sings some Vivaldi, found it from the Sopranos in a very moving scene,

2046 again, need I say more?

The genius composer, Chopin, "Chopin - Nocturne in E flat major"

Air - Le Voyage de Penelope

Some PROPER orchestral music from the Eminence Orchestra playing some amazing tunes from Blizzard's World of Warcraft game. I've saluted Blizzard and their amazing soundtracks again and again, this one is no different, captivating,

Sunday, December 20, 2009


In The Mood For Love

My kind of film. Very suave and easy, followed up by a brilliant soundtrack (still a common theme in all my favorite films, yes the score MIGHT be the most important element in a film) It's name is "In The Mood For Love" how can it not be good? Like the book "The History of Love" (my favorite, i'll get to it later) just the name is brilliant.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

All I Want For Xmas

A straight edge razor,


and a typewriter,

And to live in London and study acting, not too much to ask for right? I really should start writing down some very early scripts of some ideas I have. Some are very much out-there but a few I think I could start writing, and see where I end, right now.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Count Your Blessings

I just done reading a bit about Anton Chekhov on wikipedia and this passage moved me;

"In 1892, Chekhov bought the small country estate of Melikhovo, about forty miles south of Moscow, where he lived until 1899 with his family. "It's nice to be a lord," he joked to Shcheglov;[17] but he took his responsibilities as a landlord seriously and soon made himself useful to the local peasants. As well as organising relief for victims of the famine and choleraoutbreaks of 1892, he went on to build three schools, a fire station, and a clinic, and to donate his medical services to peasants for miles around, despite frequent recurrences of his tuberculosis.[10][29][57]"

That is what money is for isn't it? I absolutely hate all these mother fuckers around the world that go around and spend money on several mansions and tons of cars... FOR WHAT? These fuckers make me sick, the sooner they die out, the better. The world need more of Chekhov's. He moved to a place, and built it up like a hero, this is the type of human that makes up for 99.9% of everyone else on this planet.

As I am going down to the kitchen are and seeing the absolute snow storm outside (I've never seen anything quite like this, its almost scary) I keep telling myself that I fell on my feet when I was born into this world. I am incredible lucky and fortunate and I feel like I have done nothing do deserve it, and I am enjoying every day of it to the max because I have this paranoia in my brain that says this all will go away by a month so enjoy the hell out of it kid. I was just looking out the window and thinking of everyone who aren't as fortunate...

Counting the blessings everyday.

Full Schedule Come 2010

Looks like 2010 might be a fruitful year perhaps, as I've lined up quite a bit of work that I hope that I can partake in.

Fist off I've dug around and found a pretty cool acting course that spans from 11th January to 28th of May in a school called "ABF". It's three times a week, tree hours per class and it looks like it could do me good. It's better then just to go to one acting course á two hours a week isn't it? Definitely!

The issue I'm having though as you'd might imagine is to pay for all this. I'm almost ready to ship an application to RADA about summer school which will pretty much empty my savings, so I'm going to have a nice chat with the fellas at the theater course on the payment if I get accepted which I really hope I do.

I also have Stanislavski acting classes at Wednesday nights as usual, while at the same time going to school. Fuck me.

It would be cracking to get all this going though. Just imagine, acting classes from January to May, Stanislavski during 12 Wednesdays, followed up by summer school in RADA, got to keep it busy you know...

I might have to get an odd job at the weekends to pay off everyone I'm borrowing cash from :) I'm an investment though.

Fruitful year perhaps, wonder if it'll be too much though. What I don't get accepted to neither RADA nor the ABF thing? That would be a huge blow for me. I suppose the question of paying for the flight to London and staying there for a 5-6 weeks is still up in the air. ALEXANDER FELTHAM IV, ARE YOU READING THIS? lol

Still though, must not complain. It'll be interesting to read back at these clueless blog posts in ten years to see how I ended up. Besides acting can't really imagine doing anything else "ordinary".


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

My Favorite Films #2 - OldBoy

If I had to choose one, this would be THE favorite of mine. OldBoy, Chan-Wook Park's masterpiece, in my opinion, that changed the way I saw films ever after.

This film has everything I want out of a film. The premiss of the plot is intriguing, the soundtrack is so good that after this I deleted every R&B/RAP crap song I've ever had (grew out of em' anyway) and started consuming soundtracks and scores from left right and center like they were going out of fashion. The acting is as usual brilliant, I've been wondering for the longest time what kind of acting asian people get over there, is it the same as in europe/america? Ji-Tae Yu's performance inspires me to do better. After I saw him in OldBoy and before him, G-Man in Half Life 2, playing a "villain" seems much more interesting then playing the hero.

I don't know what else to say, as per usual I am horrible at writing about films. It's just about something that happens inside my brain you know? Hard to put it in text.

I live for OldBoy and I am dying to see if anything can ever top this film for me. *Clap Clap* Chan-Wook Park.

Sunday, December 13, 2009


Translated into "The Film house" in english, anyway, I found this amazing place around two months ago and I've found my new hang-out place. I adore this place.

They show old classic films that you would never come across, films from the 40's all the way to the 2000's, not just american movies, nay, a lot of european as well, so there is a broad style of films shown.

The lovely thing is that it's usually more or less empty so you'd get like 10 maybe 15 people going to this place that has seats for probably at least 100-150 people I'd imagine. So it's almost like my own little secret that, almost, no one knows about. I go there, kick my feet up, enjoy two hours of something great (not always mind you :)) and leave with a full stomach. When there is fuck all to do in this town what else do you do?

The other day me and a friend went and saw a film though, Dead Man with Johnny Depp, we thought why not go to a café before we round things off tonight. As we are driving around aimlessly for a good 20 minutes not finding a single café to go sit at, we stumbled upon what might be the greatest café/restaurant in town tucked away neatly around the back roads of Stockholm. We stepped into what might be a dream.

This place is called "Dell Attore" and translates to "For the Actors" (unless I am mistaken) and was decked out from wall to wall with actors memorabilia. Might have been a sign from the heavens. Imagine stumbling in here as a wanna-be actor in the middle of nowhere searching for ANYWHERE to sit down and chill after a film? Made my day. Had a great pizza, was running my eyes up and down the walls seeing faces I've often (or Of't as Shakespeare would've put it literally perhaps) seen before. Had a great chat about films and monologues with my buddy, and called it a day.

Maybe Stockholm isn't so boring for me after all... I mean it is but... you understand.

Time To Moan

Which is something I do quite often nowadays.

Here is the moan: I feel like a jellyfish in a desert here (Stockholm) right now. I feel like there is NOTHING I can do around these times. There are no acting/theater courses to go to, no summer schools around here (unlike RADA, woot woot) no fuck all! Next theater course starts at the beginning of FEBRUARY for fuck sakes what am I going to do until then? And also just a theater course? Jesus christ, 2h a week? A JOKE!

I can't apply to the theater colleges here because for some unlogical reason they require that you have high school diploma... WHY? RADA/LAMDA (or a whole sea of other amazing theater schools around the world) doesn't require it but these swedes think they are sitting on a high horse or some shit.

Why would I go through 3 YEARS of learning geography or history or some shit like that to get into ACTING school? Where is the sense in that? I wouldn't want to step a foot inside their boring establishment anyway. Just take me out of here!

So I am sitting here and there is fuck all I can do at the moment, feels like I am wasting time just sitting on my ass and there is nothing I can do about it really.

All I do is sit down and read my Stanislavski books, watch John Barton's "Word of Mouth" shakespeare TV show from 1984 which is amazing, go watch films in a lovely new cinema I've discovered (more on that a bit later), reading plays (Death of a Salesman was great, I'd love to play Biff not gonna lie), read some other great actor's biographies (like Brando obviously and also Michael Cane) and just think about acting and how to act 24/7.

I feel like I've got a good grip on the theory side of things but I WANT TO PUT THINGS INTO PRACTICE, but there is no where to turn to or go, and I feel sooo behind in the practice department.

1 acting course coming up... thats it. No other good courses to go to, no summer schools, no work shops, no fuck all. If there is, I have grossly overlooked something. And I have to say, just because there may be acting courses out there doesn't mean that I have many options to choose from to fill my times... nay, many of em are very lackluster and I wouldn't waste the time and moneys on em'.

The Dramatic Institute and "Teaterhögskolan" doesn't even offer any fucking courses or summer schools, I am speechless.

I can only hope for my life that RADA accepts my summer school application for 2010. My life will be ruined otherwise :).

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

RADA Summer School

I found my thing! I've been so busy thinking about doing audition for the full-time program that I didn't think about the summer schools!

I found out that RADA has a summer school that is a month long and is followed up by a week long course about Shakespeare, now when I found that out you can imagine that I became very excited.

The process of getting accepted to summer school seems very fair also, you just send in an application and unless you are terrible you get accepted. It's kind of like first-come-first-serve basis, so I am hoping to gather up some cash and send in my application very soon.

It would be a dream to study in RADA from middle of July to the middle of August sometime. Just imagine hopping on a bike and cycling all across London to RADA at 10 am, act like a madman to 5pm every weekday. LOVELY. I am getting more and more excited just thinking about it!

RADA summer school, I'll get in there come hell or high water.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

My Favorite Films #1 - The Land Before Time

Starting a new thang here. Posting my favorite films, in no particular order i'll start with the movie that I grew up with. My love with films and creativity must have started subconsciously after watching this gem of a film. A lot of years later here I am... writing a blog post about it, go figure.


Why is it one of my all time films? Well if you ask that question you clearly haven't seen it, and if you haven't you aint welcome here anymore until you have, and when you have, you won't be asking that question again. I think I cried through half the film.


Amazing soundtrack as well, which is a recurring theme with all my favorite films. What can I say? I got great taste. No '2012' for me thank you.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Harmony, it's all going to be very good one day!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

A Streetcar Named Desire

Well, not really, but incredible footage shot from A streetcar in San Fran, here is what the YouTube description says;

"The first track from Airs' Moon Safari
album, accompanied by scenes from a video
shot from a streetcar traveling down Market Street in San Francisco in 1905.
Before the earthquake/fire of 1906 destroyed the area. Remarkable footage of the turn of the century lifestyles
in California.Made by cleaverb!
The video is CC no rights reserved.
You can download video from the . Search for
" trip down 1905 " without quotes.
I used the big 330MB(145MB mpeg) version,but you can download other formats. "

Inside My Mind Lately

What occupies my mind lately?

A List;

- Theater/Acting. To work in the theater in England preferably, I am like a jellyfish in the middle of the desert in Sweden... that's how I feel like. I need an outlet for my passion and creativity. Turns out my amazing philosophy/psychology teacher is a huge theater fan, so I've been talking to him about all things theater lately, just to have someone to talk to about it. I feel so miss-places and alone about this issue here right now.

- Cigars. Found a new joy. It really hit home the other day when I was at a friends birthday party. Me and another friend each got ourselves a cigar each and enjoyed the fuck out of em'. Mon dieu. I am going to the "cigarroom" in town in a few days, getting myself THIS package, and I can't wait to light em' up after a heavy dinner.

- New Name. I am thinking of adopting the name "Léon". For a few reasons. The first one might be the obvious one, Burak Köseoglu doesn't fly of the tongue does it? Although I love it privately of course. One of my favorite films is called "Leon", but it would be stupid to name one self after a film, but the more I thought about it the more I liked it because my greatest friend's last name is Lion (in Turkish albeit) so would be an homage to him as well.

Léon... yes why not.


- Money. I am not a person whom is too concerned about money or wealth at all. I've learned from a young age to enjoy the simple things in life and truly, the best things in life are free, as cliche as that sounds. But I need a quick can injection right about these days to move my ass to Englandland and live there for a while so I can "do my thang" there instead of here obviously. Thinking about working my arse of just to amass some cash and go, GO!

- Food & Sex. Not at the same time though, when everything is said and done you need to go home and relax don't you. You can't live in the actor's brain 24/7 that would drive you mad and do you more harm then good, enjoying things outside of that bubble is equally important. I should get myself a girlfriend who can cook, two birds in one stone. Any takers?

One day at a time.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


I can't find the type of amateur theater that I would love to work with. I know there HAS TO BE a theater out there that provides the "I have to get into that place ASAP" factor but I can't find ANY for the life of me.

It seem as if most amateur theaters, if not all, really are scraping the bottom of the barrel so to speak. The theaters mostly producing very limited, local, small scripts instead of using an easy, established script already.

I don't see the point. Why write something of your own that details a so-so situation in the local are of a place in Sweden when you can do something nice and easy that a lot of people know like i.e the play we used in my theater course, the story of Don Perlimplin, you can even Google it. Or why not something like Zoo Story by Edwin Albee? Or any other of dozens of great plays you can produce, but instead no, they go and write something that shows a boring swedish life, as if it wasn't boring enough. And this is the fact that makes me reject all theater companies to join and sit at home and MOAN instead because I like to think that I think in a more logical, better and a more interesting way instead to be fucking honest.

This is getting frustrating.

I had a fucking flash idea in while having a bath. The PERFECT amateur theater group would be my teacher Vladimir D. exactly with the Stanislavski teachings we had just now but instead of a acting class for two hours a week its a couple of times a week and by the end of it you actually perform it for a bunch of people a few times.

Basically instead of an small acting course two hours a week its instead an amateur theater company, PERFECT.

I should send him a mail about that.

Sweden... kind of a love/hate relationship right now. A lot of love and a lot of hate.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Calling All Amateur Theater Groups Around Stockholm!

Keeeeeeep searching for amateur theater companies around Stockholm.

My problem is that I am keen that the theater company that I am going to join that they, maybe not to a super dedicated sense, but to some degree use, or at least KNOW OF and ACKNOWLEDGE, Stanislavski's system of acting. I am not sure this is going to happen, try as I might. I have a very dark and unfaithful view of Sweden and it's acting/theater etc. offerings.

Going to keep on looking though, because my last acting class is this Sunday and what after then? Sit on my arse? Fuck naw cuz.

I've been watching a bunch of video's with John Barton and his Shakespeare programs from 1984 with people in it such as Ian Mckellen, Ben Kingsley, Patrick Stewart etc and its absolutely AMAZING. I am almost getting a hard-on watching it.

Still dreaming away about joining a amateur theater company in englishland and getting accepted to RADA/LAMDA... I will do it though one day, not worried about that. I got so much dedication and passion that If I can't do it, no one can.

Back to John Barton and his Shakespeare tachings.

Monday, October 26, 2009

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Film of the day, what an amazing piece of film. This is what makes me want to become an actor. The trailer is in french, didn't like the english trailer.

Watch this film NOW.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

La Maison En Petite Cubes + Theater

Really haven't had much to say these past two weeks, I rather not write bullshit and only write if there is something I'd like to say, and not just write for the sake of writing (not that I have ever done it but still).

Not many more weeks left now before my two theater acting classes are over and It makes me sad, because I don't want it to end of course. I am thinking what to do next. I am thinking of finding a BUNCH of theaters around stockholm, either majorly established or totally amateur and just ask them if they'd like to have a beginner around who just wants to learn learn and learn and act act and act.

The big plan obviously is to get into LAMDA/RADA but the auditions and stuff are around next fall I think so until then I gotto work as much as I can.

I am leaving you with an amazing short film, around 15min long that made me cry a little :') like this. It won an Oscar in 2008 as well.

Part 1

Part 2

Monday, October 12, 2009

Some Tunes I've Been Listening To Lately

Music, just like food and acting, is LIFE. So here are some of the songs I've been listening to lately, I love all of em for different reasons.

I dont listen to rap/hip-hop/r&b lately, for a few years I recon, kinda grew past that, but this one I love for some reason so I'm putting it up here first. I love heavy dirty "buck" rap songs for some reason :D Like Jim Jones - We Fly High, Unk - Walk It Out (with Andre3000) anyways...
B.G. Feat Magnolia Chop - Back 2 Da Money

Robbie Williams - She's The One

Cayaco - No Regret Life, it's one of the ending songs from Naruto series... what? Didn't I tell you that I LIVE for Naruto and Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood?

Might as well throw this Naruto ending tune in here as well because I love it, the lyrics are great too (english ones that is) Little By Little - Kimi Monogatari, GO NARUTO!

Requiem For A Dream - Lux Aeterna, I watched Requiem For A Dream the other day, amazing flick, that mother who wants to be on the game show pulled out one of the best acting pieces I've ever seen, she got robbed of an oscar.

Another Classic songs, Take That - Rule The World, suck it!

And wrapping it up with one amazing tune, one of my all-time favorites Teardrop - Massive Attack

Sunday, October 11, 2009


Change Of Plans?

Getting a bit sick of school. It's pretty easy though and whatnot but since I am no longer planning on going to New York Film Academy where I had to have a high school diploma to enter (which is the reason why I started going to school in the first place) I am thinking of not continuing after this term.

For LAMDA I "only" need to pass an audition + interview and pay em' only 5k euros (as opposed to 20k euro's for NYFA for ONE YEAR) and you can go to either 1 year, 2 year or 3 years (BA). Cheap innit and I don't need any high school diploma stuff so why go at all? Might try to charm my way into my dad's pizza restaurant work there now and again, save up some cash and go!

Should talk to my dad about this, I am getting more and more into this idea since I came up with it earlier today.

School has been a fun experience though I am not going to lie. The people I've met have been a better surprise then I'd thought. I was imagining this dark room filled with 30 year old barely-speaking-swedish immigrants but nay, quite the opposite. Some young, cool, fun people. And if anything I at least made one good friend out of the whole thing (not that I am looking for friends but this girl is cool)

So shall I keep studying? Not sure, might not if I land a job. School in general is not bad, I'd go through the whole lot and get a Ph.D. if I wanted to but I am an artist and that's where my heart lies (and my belly) I just want to get into a full-time school for acting (or working obviously), 4h a week isn't enough. You get into class, you have some fun, you look up at the watch and it says that 2.15h already passed...

We'll see though.

PS: About that cigar earlier. I actually went through the bin, chopped the mangled piece off (which was the top) saved it, went to get a nice pizza and on my way home I had myself a nice cigar =)

Fall is incredible.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Fall Times

...has come around. I love the fall season. It's so beautiful, especially where I live, it's trees all over the place so you get the whole shade from green to orange as the leaves keep on falling, can hardly describe it with words really. I wish I had a nice camera to take some pictures.... but alas.

I just tried to smoke my first cigar, it went to shits. Lesson #1 get a proper effing lighter. I used up like 20 matchsticks trying to get it going and then only half succeeded. I may need to get a gas lighter or something, and I need to get a new cigar because I had to toss this one, FAIL. Wasn't that expensive though so it's alright I suppose.

Besides the beautiful fall and the failed cigar attempt life just keep on trucking. I need to fill out my days a little bit more I recon. Sometimes I get bored out of my mind, especially on the weekends when I am totally free. I am thinking of getting driving lessons on the weekends. I need to push this driving license thing in order to get it done before new year and in time for one of my classes called "Project Work".

Acting classes are brilliant as usual. 4hours a week isn't enough though man, fuck... I want to go and audition for LAMDA (or RADA one day, in my dreamz) next spring but the question is, can you get in with only three acting classes below the belt. I know it's mostly about talent but still. Sometimes you got to use your head and not your bollocks. IF I do for some reason get accepted to LAMDA, I think three years acting (Bachelors Degree in Arts, BA) the question is if I can get a place to crash at, I hope I can push it with some people Alex's knows and hopefully with himself as he study in Uni.

Ah plans and ambitions, never failed me once :).

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Sam Lake Is A Genius - Address Unknown

"In this hall of mirrors, built by liars, I am a pale reflection of myself"
- "Somebody's been wearing my face again" By "Pool" (Sam Lake)

An excerpt from Max Payne 2 game.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Song Of The Day

Absolutely great tune, can't stop listening to it.

Acting classes going great. When we always do some exercise I feel good about what I do, but when I get home I always come up with another great way I could've done it better, and I go around thinking about it for the rest of the day. Not sure if that is a good or bad thing, obviously hindsight is always 20/20. That is why Ive been going around saying G-Man lines all day today, distracted by this I can't do anything else.

"[G-Man finally speaks to Gordon]
G-Man: Gordon Freeman, in the flesh - or, rather, in the hazard suit. I took the liberty of relieving you of your weapons. Most of them were government property. As for the suit, I think you've earned it. The borderworld, Xen, is in our control, for the time being... thanks to you. Quite a nasty piece of work you managed over there; I am impressed. That's why I'm here, Mr. Freeman. I have recommended your services to my... employers, and they have authorized me to offer you a job. They agree with me that you have limitless potential. You've proved yourself a decisive man so I don't expect you'll have any trouble deciding what to do. If you're interested, just step into the portal and I will take that as a yes. Otherwise, well, I can offer you a battle you have no chance of winning... rather an anticlimax after what you've just survived. Time to choose..."


Just saw Star Trek (2009) it was shit, closed halfway through.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

My Life In Art

So I've been going to my double acting classes, Wednesday and Thursday nights and it's the most fun ever. Can't believe I didn't do this earlier, I absolutely love it, but then again, I could have skipped it altogether in life and never done it at all, so good riddance I started early in life!

I'll talk about that in a bit, what I came here for was the extraordinary book by (take a stab in the dark...) STANISLAVSKI, his "My Life In Art" is growing on my like herpes <3. Quickly turning into one of the best, if not THE best book I've read.

More specifically I came here to write a little piece that I read while I was in school, this was after class, I started reading and I came to this bit, read it a few times over (even half aloud, hey, no one was around!) and I realized how genius this bit was that I quickly ran back home to write it down here, to share it among friends.

Never have I read something so true and inspiring and truth full. Every sentence is like a gem of gold!

I'll set-up the scenario by saying that here Mr Stanislavski is about 25ish I guess. He is suppose to do a play by Moliere "The Miser Knight" I think. He goes to "Le France" to study a bit in preparation, goes back to Russia to his teacher Fedotov to show his workings and Fedotov mockingly smiles at young Stanislavski's amateur nature. You see, Stanislavski was truly an amateur (I suppose in relative terms :)) for a very very long time and he started with this when he was a little kid.

"You must have seen a lot in Paris" said Fedotov smiling to me "You have brought the whole orchestration with you"

Fedotov in true hamlet-act-3 fashion takes the stage to show how it's done and young Stanislavski is awestruck at his genius and his "acquire and beget a temperance that may give it smoothness" as Shakespeare put it, i.e LESS IS MORE!!!!!!!!

"As was his habit, he would mount the stage HIMSELF and play, creating what was TRUE, AND FULL OF LIFE. And so destroying all that was false and dead. He played the plot of the play, but the play was thoroughly connected with the psychology, and the psychology with the image and the poet" (page 163)

And this is where Stanislavski's thoughts come in about what he had just acted out, and what he thought and felt when Fedotov himself came up on stage to show him how it's done. LESS IS MORE.

"How wonderful and simple! All that one had to do was to get on the stage and do the same. But as soon as I felt the boards under me all that I had thought seemed to be reversed. There is a far cry between seeing a thing done and doing it yourself. Once on the boards and all that seemed to be so easy while you were in the auditorium becomes devilishly hard. The hardest thing of all is to stand on the boards and to BELIEVE and take seriously all that takes place on the stage. But without faith and seriousness it is impossible to play satire or comedy, especially if it is French, especially if it is classical, especially if it is Moliere. Here the entire gist is in seriousness, in sincerely believing in one's foolish, or impossible, or helpless position, in becoming sincerely excited and in suffering sincerely. One can play at that seriousness, but then the comedy revenges itself. To live over or to play at living over - there is a difference between these two as large as the difference between natural, organic comism, and the outer antics of a talentless court fool. (page 163-164)

Good Night!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

More Acting Classes Updates (Surprise!)

After the first class, I was all nerves. All the nerves has now settled, and it it's place excitement has taken a seat. Absolutely love what I have gotten myself into, not going to lie.

After our first class, our teacher, Vladimir, invited everyone back to the follow-up class on Wednesday night. I went there and a few other people showed up as well, not everyone though of course, but most people. Also in the advance classes there were a few new faces, turns out, not a lot of people at all sign up for that class for whatever reason, it is bloody brilliant.

The basic Thursday classes are just that, basic basic stuff, still I learn a tremendous amount. The number one thing I've learned that I realized just yesterday, one of Mr Stanislavski's golden rules.


I am thinking of getting a full black t-shirt with huge-ass bold letters in the front saying LESS IS MORE, and wear it.

The advance classes are so much fun. We actually get to start a tiny little fun production on a play called "The Love of Don Perlimplin And Belisa In The Garden". Since we are like 10 people there, everyone is going to play a little bit I think.

I've read through the scripts, it's not very long of course, maybe a 20 minute play. And I really enjoyed it and can't wait to practice and play a bit of it, or fuck it, all of it =)

It's a story about an old man, single, probably virgin, who has his entire life been too busy with occupying himself with books, books and more books who is his most precious joy in the world. His maid, Marcolfa, nags Don Perlimplin that he is getting old and needs to get married, but the don isn't too happy with that idea and thinks that his books is the only joy he needs in life. Inside, he really is a hopeless romantic, and the women he meets via Marcolfa, Belisa, is a true slut.

After he thinks that his wife has another man who she has never met, but whom she loves so much more then she loves him, he gets this plan to ruin her the rest of her life, by taking his own life in a epic twist of events.

Some small details has been left out for your pleasure :)

Come Wednesday, I am donning my coat and putting on a little humpback and only answer to the name of Don, Don Perlimplin.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Talking About FIlms n' Stuff

Every time I see a damn good film, and I've seen a couple of them lately, I always want to just write about it a little, talk about it a little, but I never know where to start. Usually watching a film is an emotional state when watching a film and I am not sure I would know how to properly talk about it rather then show emotions.

Some of the amazing things I've watched lately.

Joint Security Area - By my favorite director, Chan-Wook Park
5cm Per Second - The most touching and beautiful anime film I have ever seen.
District 9 - Just remember, the actor in this film has never acted before, he is not an actor (well, he is now I suppose), still fucking brilliant. Perfect guy for that role.
Ostro Sledovane vlaky - brilliant old film from the Czechs in 1966. Actually won an Oscar too.

Now, I am not really sure where to go about explaining these films and why I am so fond of them, why I love them, why they touch me and I want to shake up other people and just say GO SEE THESE FILMS.

For the first time, words fail me :/

Acting Classes and Stuffs

I don't know where I left off last time but I was knackered for some reason after the acting class on Thursday, bag of nerves. I am a lot more upbeat today though and looking forward to Wednesday. Usually the acting classes is on Thursdays, but I am not sure if it was the voodoo in the air but Vladimir invited everyone back to the advanced classes on Wednesday nights for free! (At least for one class). Although the Wednesday classes are more advanced I think I am going to go by and see if i can at least just sit down and have a look at what they do, better then sit around at home waiting for the next day huh?

I got a few things on my agenda. First I need to get a flipping haircut. I look like Ringo Starr, fucking hell. Secondly I am still sorting out my drivers license thing. Was snooping around the net, not exactly sure which one of the 2000 driving license classes to go to, I just send an email to the one with the cheapest rate. Can't go wrong with that approach. Going on a class about the dangers of drugs and alcohol, and I think I'll book a few lessions for driving as well, that's as far as I am with the driving license project though, getting there... slowly. One small step for a man; One giant leap for mankind!. I only have Friday->Sunday do do these stuff anyway.

I am thinking of what monologue to pick for the acting class on thursday. I got a few ideas.

- Introduction monologue from Rome & Juliet (Shakespeare)
- One of the couple of G-Man speeches in Half Life
- A poem (The Solider by Rupert Brook)
- Perhaps even the speech-that-never was by Nixon if the moon landing failed.

I'll sleep on it. I need to get this rug of my head. I want to keep the sides and back really short and the top really long.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

First Acting Class Done

Well, back home. My first acting class is over. I am still a bit nervy, not sure why, it's over and I am home sitting on my couch.

First impressions. I like the people in the class. A lot of young folks like me which is nice, fifty fifty girls and boys. There is one man though that looks exactly like Larry David, jesus... almost like you have to see it to believe it. He is 50 something too. This guy was born to play Larry David somehow, someway.

Our acting teacher is cool, his name is Vladimir, he speaks with a bit of a russian dialect which is cool :) We got to do a few exercises of course during the 2 hour class, the first one was about sitting on a chair on stage. He immediately looks at me and says "Burak, come up here" and he asked me to sit on a chair, twice in a row, as an exercise. I am not going to bore you with the details but it has some good idea behind it. I am surprised that he picked me first, randomly, I thought "hey, this is why we are here, let's do this!" although I was a bit nervous. Not super nervous to be honest, there were some other people there who were a lot more nervous, and even admitted to it when we talked about ourselves.

He even invited us to the advance classes on Wednesday nights, which I have to go to. I am not sure if I am going to partake in the class which is more of an advanced class but I am at least going to watch it, and hopefully learn something.

We got some weird homework man, I can't even start to explain it, it's about some kind of body movement that we have to master, it's basically to teach us how to multitask, with our minds.

One homework that I can talk about though is that he asked us to prepare a monologue. I am not sure exactly what to pick but I think it is going to be the poem "The Soldier" by Ropert Brook. Am not completely sure if it's ok, it is a bit of a text after all, but no real talkie talkie, but I am sure it will pass. I just love that poem.

All said and done (roughly, am very tired) and my feelings after the first class is oddly... not sure. Am not SUPER happy, I did like and enjoy it but I am not jumping out of my chair, which I don't mind at all. I wasn't that nervous, was pretty comfortable with standing in front of everyone and I know that I can do better then most of those people, even the guy who has been in a film and a play in the US. I am going back on wednesday for the advance classes and thursday for my regular classes and we going to rock this. I dont feel like a fish out of water, I am just waiting to see how I react and cope with the reality of acting.


If At First You Don't Succeed...

'Tis a lesson you should heed:
Try, try, try again.
If at first you don't succeed,
Try, try, try again.
- Edward Hickson.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Project: Drivers License

It's officially official. I am getting my drivers license AND I am doing it as a my Project Work at school so It's like two birds in one stone ;) This genius never stops working, fucking A!

It is going to be hard work though I'd imagine, really hard. Right now i am a full time student at school, and on top of that I just got news that my acting classes are definitely starting and come Sept 10th it's rock and roll. So Monday->Thursday, I am pretty tightly scheduled. Well... I do leave school at 3pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays so a few hours there to reap. Although Fri->Sund is free I of course do have homework and stuff but meh, we'll sort it out.

The process of getting a drivers license in Swedish land nowdays is like getting your doctorate degree, fuck me.

1) You need to go to a few classes where they teach you about the hazards of drugs and alcohol etc. It's not too bad I think, basically you just need to attend. Not sure if there is a big hooplah around it, like major tests or whatnot but shouldn't be too bad. Whit this brain anyway I'll do fine.... right.

2) Is a thingy LOOSELY translated "Slippery Road" (I know the swedes are fucking funny arent they). Here you basically hop into a car and drive through a series of road conditions, like wet, ice etc to get experience and feel for what it's like and avoid shit like elderly people while you slide around.

3) Want to kill myself at this point

4) This is the funky bit. I mean a few years ago this list wasn't even as long as my left nut. Basically you did a theory test, you had a driving tests, if you passed they gave you a drivers license and told you to fuck off.

Now you need to do the theory AND PASS your driving test all within three weeks I think. Or else FAIL! and you need to do them both again until you pass them both within three weeks. Considering the queue to book a test is like two months, you need to wait something like two months at a time to try to do the freaking test.

........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
..........''...\.......... _.·´
..............\.............\... This is how they greet you when you apply to do the test I'd imagine. Yeah and I agree with em, fuck me -_-.

As far as test drives you can either drive with your dad or something after you've done a three hour educational class together or hire a driving teacher from a school. The latter one is a bit expensive though and I hope I can do as little of that as possible. Dad should be good.

I always give this driving license thing a big push and get very bored quickly, I hope I'll pull it together this time though. If not for me, then for all the chicks out there who are dreaming each and every night to be picked up with a black old saggy Nissan Micra, cuz dats how we roll cuz'.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Back To Reality

Although I am sitting outside in the balcony on the construction crews scaffolding, chilling enjoy the wind and almost turned to God for blessings in the form of WiFi (life changer I tell ya) I still need to go through with school stuff which is almost paralyzing me with boredom.

It's a bit funny how I like to monkey around with this scaffolding. Climbing up and down up on the roof amazed at what nature does for a living. I remember climbing a lot of tree's and "mountains" (what seems like a mountain for a little kid) when I was 8 years or old something. Also remember I used to come home with pockets full of worms I found to show my mom. I put em' in my breast pocket because the only thing I used to wear back then was midget sized shirts :)


I am trying to come up with genuine good ideas for my Project Work course which spans this entire term. My goal is to pass all my classes this term and do well in my first theater class ever. Ive got some other ideas though but they're a bit out there... My first one was to build a "genuine" pizza oven in our garden. Although a great idea it could well end up in disaster with bunch of money spent.

Next idea was to get drivers license which I have been pushing up up and AWAY for a few years now. Shouldn't be too hard to get it I reckon. I drive well, just need to pass the theory bit, and how hard could that be. Might do that actually, drivers license. Don't really want to spend the money though :P

Did Geography test too, haven't received the results yet but I bet I passed easily and I didn't even study to be honest. Thank God for photographic memory.

Still no words from the theater class people, 10 days left, after that, world domination.

I am a man with no small ambitions, expect for a small penis. Alex made me an offer I couldn't refuse. Move to englishland next fall, study theater while he studies at Uni. Living together with his girlfriend the great Holly (name dropping!!!!) I am up for that 100%. Balls to the walls. The problem would be getting into school (audition you know)

I wonder if I'll look back on this in a few years time while I am a bum and hooking myself thinking "fuck was I thinking?"

Ending this long-ass post with jazz. I've discovered Chet Baker and cigarillos, still haven't gotten a pipe :( Enjoy.

A Poem For The Suckers Of Love

'To Silvia' by Giacomo Leopardi is like the story of my life. I tried to understand the poem, and I think I did, hope I'm not wrong, actually I hope I am because it's very sad. It's about Giacomo who was in love with a beautiful girl, whom died early sadly and in this poem he opens his heart about her.

Suckers for love, that's who we are, enjoy.

"To Silvia

Silvia, do you remember
the moments, in your mortal life,
when beauty still shone
in your sidelong, laughing eyes,
and you, light and thoughtful,
beyond girlhood’s limits?

The quiet rooms and the streets
around you, sounded
to your endless singing,
when you sat, happily content,
intent, on that woman’s work,
the vague future, arriving alive in your mind.
It was the scented May, and that’s how
you spent your day.

I would leave my intoxicating studies,
and the turned-down pages,
where my young life,
the best of me, was left,
and from the balcony of my father’s house
strain to catch the sound of your voice,
and your hand, quick,
running over the loom.
I would look at the serene sky,
the gold lit gardens and paths,
that side the mountains, this side the far-off sea.
And human tongue cannot say
what I felt then.

What sweet thoughts,
what hopes, what hearts, O Silvia mia!
How it appeared to us then,
all human life and fate!
When I recall that hope
such feelings pain me,
harsh, disconsolate,
I brood on my own destiny.
Oh Nature, Nature
why do you not give now
what you promised then? Why
do you so deceive your children?

Attacked, and conquered, by secret disease,
you died, my tenderest one, and did not see
your years flower, or feel your heart moved,
by sweet praise of your black hair
your shy, loving looks.
No friends talked with you,
on holidays, about love.

My sweet hopes died also
little by little: to me too
Fate has denied those years. Oh,
how you have passed me by,
dear friend of my new life,
my saddened hope!
Is this the world, the dreams,
the loves, events, delights,
we spoke about so much together?
Is this our human life?
At the advance of Truth
you fell, unhappy one,
and from the distance,
with your hand, you pointed
towards death’s coldness and the silent grave."

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Cigarillo On The Roof

Just had one of those amazingly tranquil moments where you just sit down and enjoy the second you are in.

My mate gave me a few cigarillos, so after dinner I went into my room and lit a few candles and thought I'd enjoy one. Next thing I know I thought "ah fuck it, I'll go out to my balcony, don't want to get nasty smoke in the lovely room" and since we have builders scaffolding around our house at the moment next thing I knew I was up on the roof huffing and puffing and enjoy the most lovely sunset.

Not going to lie, wish I had some company in a form of a women but alas, lady jazz was my date for the night. Wish I could take a picture of the scenery but don't really have a nice camera except my celly.

I am definitely getting myself a nice pipe or a few cigars next, until then, these cigarillos will do the trick.

So I want YOU to find a second for yourself, enjoy the situation, watch a nice film, enjoy a smoke (hopefully not cigarettes though tbh) have a nice dinner or whatever, but just love it and live it.

Over and out bitches


This one is for all the swedes out there. I take back all the shit I've said about Sweden in a cultural way, how fucking boring, bland and dull Sweden is because this one proved me WRONG.

Grattis, Sverige bara halv-suger nu.

Konstantin Stanislavski

I am so happy that I've now read both An Actor Prepares and Building A Character. I dare not say that I've learned so much that my head is about to explode because it's not really the teaching of new knowledge, but more like what you already have in you that you have to be conscious of and realize.

If ever people eve ask me "If you could meet anyone, dead or alive, who would it be?" I'll say Konstantin Stanislavski so fast they'll jump two feet up. I'd just love to hang around him, and of course be one of his pupils and just bask in that cultural genius.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, If I ever come across anyone, ANYONE, remotely into acting and they don't know of this man I WILL look down upon them, because that is simply unforgivable.

Still no news if the acting class is starting, if it is, its on 10th september. Safe to say, I CAN'T WAIT. Before I start on his last book in this series of trilogy An Actor Prepares, Building A Character, Creating A Role, I think I'll wait right here for a minute, go to the acting classes, read Kahlil Gibran's "The Prophet" (among other books) because I don't want to get too ahead of myself you know.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Now I Am Become Death, Destroyer Of Worlds.

Oppenheimer's own words after the trinity explosion. Powerful, simply amazing.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

School #2

Keep on trucking. What can I say. Gotto go through some dirt to get to the other side, so to speak. Still no word from Kulturama about the acting class. Getting worried now.

Philosophy is great though... I say that but, I don't find what we are talking about interesting at all. We talk about Ethics and Morals. I hoped we would talk more about the famous philosophers and their theories and what we think about them. But I completely understand why this, what we are reading now, is actually what philosophy is about.

I keep reading stanislavski's book, Building A Character, of course. Almost done with it. I am wondering if this school shit is taking away from my creative side in anyway shape or form. Like I get so desensitized with this monotonous school shit that I'll loose my passion somehow. I swear. It's like when you were a kid and you that that homosexuality was like the flu or some crap like that.

Hope not :/

Like I said, might now study to get a high school diploma after all, might just jump ship next spring, fuck off to Londonland, get into LAMDA or something like that, study my ass off, keep it true to the art. I am not feeling this way at all not gonna lie.

It is a bit of a struggle, never been the school bullshit or 9-5 crap. I want to get into the theater. Am still worried though, what if all this was just that... a dream, turns out I am crap at it, no talent no shit. But then I just tell myself "Don't worry about it, less is more :)"


For all you mofos complaining about pics of myself, jack off to this.

Friday, August 21, 2009

N'joy Life Lifers

After studying for a bit (never thought I'd find myself saying that) and even sending an angry tweet about it, I got a call from a friend and after a kebab pizza, a vanilla cigarr, damn nice coffee, a shot of vodka, some PS3 and some amazing jazzy tune from Jamiroquai on my way home looking as suave as ever, like something out of a film, if I do may say so myself, in the middle of the night I must remind myself that the smallest things in life gives me the most bliss.

So N'joy life lifers, count your blessings and let me leave you with this little tweet from the amazing Tinybuddha!

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow.
Learn as if you were to live forever." ~Gandhi"

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


Has started. And I almost can't wait for it to end already. Call me crazy but I much more enjoy sitting in my garden and reading my books by Stanislavski amongs others, well do acting really, but alas, some things just HAS to be done.

Or do they?

The reason I got involved in school and have to sit down and learn about crap I don't care about is just to get enough high school points to get a chance to get into NYFA. Lately I've been thinking though that I'd much rather like to go to acting school in London and get classically schooled. Ive been looking around a little and i've found LAMDA, and they quite interesting I think, and they don't require that you have a high school diploma :)

Geography is boring. What did you expect. The classes are almost five hours long too, fuck me sideways. One thing that is pretty cool though is the fact that I thought I was going to be stuck in a room with a bunch of wierdo's who can barely speak Swedish. Fresh off the boat so to say. But nay, its a room full of pretty nice cats, and bunch of girls as well, which well... Is a nice change from how my classes use to look when I was younger.

Philosophy is cool, only been to one class yet, going to next one tomorrow. It seems alright so far, and I just love the teacher, Run, I could watch him talk about anything all day long. You know there is a question coming up because he squints like something I've never seen before, like his face ate a lemon or something. Love that guy already! This class is mostly filled with girls I believe which I didn't expect at all. I was expecting a room full of bearded, mid 20s, dudes all with barres. Barés. Bares. Damnit, don't know how to spell it and can't figure it out via google but you knows.

And lastly, and most surprisingly a class called "Project Work" (let's translate it into that basically). When applying to this class I just read the first line, in true Karl Pilkington fashion and thought "that'll do". I walked into first class (again full of women, what the fuck? now I'm beginning to think "is it because of me?"... not really) trembling in my boots thinking "gone and dugg myself into a good mess now, what did I get myself into.. :(" turns out, it's damn nice because its so free! I can come up with a bunch of stuff I want to do. And the teacher are SOOOOO COOOOOOOL (they gonna read this, so better kiss ass while I'm ahead)

Its basically like this. You have to come up with an idea for a project, can be anything big or small. Easy or complicated but you have to start some kind of a project. After deliberating with four other people I decided "If you want to get something done, best do it yourself". So my "Project" is going to be... Get through fucking school. Mainly it's gonna be going through my acting classes starting 10th of September*. Seeing as I haven't stepped foot in school and as you know my goal is to become an actor I'd thought that making a small project out of my first school term in FIVE years and my first ever acting class could be a good project. So here I am. Sitting on my ass :)

This blog should get more pics, I know...

Now I almost really want to go out and besides this compose my book as well! But that would require me to kinda go around the world a bit so not really doable. Its in my "to do in the future" list don't worry!

*The class will start only if enough people apply sadly, but I do hope it'll come through. I'll be gutted if the class don't happen :(

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Cecilia Bartoli's Mother

I can tell she is a wonderful lady :)

Cecilia Bartoli is great. I first got to hear her during one of the episodes in The Sopranos with her piece "Sposa son disprezzata" by Vivaldi (which you'll hear by the end of the video)

The reason though I am posting this vid is because of what her mother says at 1:25, and this is exactly how I feel everyday, I've already bought it hook line and sink. It's in my spine, but you (and especially if you are a artist) should know and feel this too. I am this, and I hope you become this as well... or rather believe this yourself in other words

"You must be an artist, and finally, you need a very strong will. "I WANT TO BE!" You must be utterly convinced that you want to be the best! "I WANT TO BE THE BEST!" Only this way you can achieve the results you strive for. It's a matter of great discipline, self discipline... and finally a commanding quality, because it is not easy to face a large audience, so you need quite a lot of things to be a good singer/actor etc"

This is my 100th post by the way, yay!

Errol Morris

Is a genius.

There is a rule that says "Less Is More" and it's absolutely so true, that's why Errol Morris is a genius. I love his work... am kind of lost for words, just enjoy this little video he composed for Stand Up To Cancer.

I think the music wraps the whole piece up for me.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

The World Needs To Know This


I saw a man walk his cat today, with a leash, while driving with my dad.

Almost fucking crashed intro a tree in shock when I saw that.

The world needs to know this!

Sea turtle + Canon 5D MK II

I need to get me a Canon 5D MKII asap.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Friendship hors d'oeuvre.

Done working. Was a week of nice and fun times to be honest, except for the hard labor but it was a very nice change of pace. Mostly thanks to the boys I was working with, had a great old time, we laughed, have great little coffee breaks under the sun, had some fags and coffee... well I didn't smoke but you get the picture. I got to know three great new people whom I am afraid I won't really talk to that much anymore since the work is over but alas...

I love meting people randomly no where, either here or when I am abroad, have a great ol' time and unfortunately never see or talk to them again. But it is kind of bitter sweet too isn't it? You meet someone great, have a blast and then it's over and it's all just smiles and happy memories.

Flashed my mind for a second, all of these people that I've met.

The hobo in San Diego, he was fascinating. I wanted to give him 100 bucks before I left SD but I never saw him again. Wonder what he is up to now :) Would love to travel with him someday, just trash around.

My boiizz from Grand Hotel, the cleaning crew :) Love those guys, almost get a lump in my throat, a alligator tear in my eye thinking of all the memoraayz we've shared. Papagalo!

Remember that swedish old fella in San Diego as well while we're on the subject. I'll keep him as my little secret though.

And so on and so forth, this is what I want most out of life when I am 85 and just about to die if I get something even as an erection. Just brilliant stories and anecdotes to tell rather then being rich and famous like most people do. What's wrong with those people? I hope YOU are not like that.

Just realized school starts on monday.

Fuck Me.

New chapter in life. I wonder if kulturama will start that stanislavski class, i fucking hope so or else I'd be devastated.

Over and out.

Desktop Picture

My new desktop picture... as the titles says. Paintings fall neatly into the same category of poems for me, in the way that I like it a lot but I never go out of my way to find new paintings or poems. If I come across one that I like I love it and cherish it. Like this picture of a ballerina by Edgar Degas.

Wonder how he got the inspiration for this painting. Did he saw this ballerina somewhere? If so where and for what occasion?

What is the ballerina thinking about while dancing? It looks like she is having a great time. I see a hint of a smile and a care-free mode, like the world is alright at that moment when she is twirling. She looks pretty young too.

Good painting!

Ballerina by Edgar Degas

Hubble's Ultra Deep Field Picture In 3D

This is simply astonishing.

Friday, August 7, 2009

can't be bothered coming up with a title

why anyone ever would want to be a construction worker is fucking beyond me. i rather have a job fucking a poodle.

i am so knackered. kill me already. i got myself into a bit of a hassle the other day. you see we got builders working on our roof. the roof is in shambles as it turns out (more then we knew). and to be nice we give the workers some coffee and cookies, of course. my momz said to tell em' that the coffee is ready and they should have a quick break so i went down to em and told the head honcho this, he goes 'alright' and then quickly says 'hey, i've spoken to your dad and he says you don't want to work :)' and me being a true artist whom refuse to work as a peasant CUZ I AM AN ARTIST MUHAHAR said 'well yea, (i didnt go deeper into why, no point innit) not interested at the moment, and also i'm starting school in 2 weeks so... :)' and he then says (he fucking fooled me good, he got me hook line and sinker here this fucker) 'why don't you work with us here for as long as you can, say until school starts, you can start right now'. me being one not to turn down a opportunity like this i said 'well, why not, could do with some pocket money and save up for New York Film Academy or something' and off I went pleased that I am the only human on this fucking planet who can land a job without looking and doing it IN FRONT OF MY DOORSTEP


three days later, waking up 8 in the fucking morning til 5pm, working on the top of this house with the sun fucking blaring down on us while i am sweating like i am on a fucking desert i wish i could turn to him and say 'listen, the money i get for this, it aint fucking worth it, i'm fucking off and taking a cold shower' but i cant. cuz i can't quit. not a quitter.

the temp up there must be atleast 35-40 degrees. under ya is a totally black layer of tar or something to isolate the house from bad weather, and you have to haul so much fucking trash, i swear to god... there is a pile right outside that is so big, you could fucking build another house of it, and i hauled it all alone, in this weather. i have never hated clear blue skies and the perfect sun so much in my life. first thing in the morning i look for clouds, but all i see is a middle finger looking down on me

fuck me

my shoulders are burnt to a crips, my whole body is acking in pain, i feel like i've been working 72h straight, i got an X on my back from the fucking working overall i have to wear. looks like ive been wearing some kind of silly bikini top. i cant be bothered writing properly, and i havent had time nor any must to read any of my amazing new books that i keep dreaming about.

if youd seen how much water ive drank, no wonder there is a drought in africa, i am drinking all the water they shouldve gotten by now.

on the bright side, the guys i am working with are really really cool, lovely chaps, we fuck about and laugh while skin cancer is looming around the corner, mom makes us damn nice coffee food and i suppose i shouldnt complain. and this has only strengthen my love for acting which i now realized i cant wait to pursue.

you know of anyone that has gotten a job on their doorstep? no? thought so.
while i think of it, i also remember that i got an email from an casting agent asking me if i want to come to a comercial audition (which i didnt get) out of the blue as well, still i dont work

cuz i am an artist

time to watch John Barrymore in henry the 6th

not sure this post made any sense

Monday, August 3, 2009


A bit of a love of mine. Which is a bit strange considering I don't have a drivers license... yet. Am fully on my way of getting it now. Why did I wait so long? Story of my life. I am especially interested in old classic cars., like Jaguar E Type, the old ferrari looking cars. The old black gangster cars you see in Godfather with suicide doors, those kind of stuff.

I have never had any desire at all to be on a TV show like Jay Leno or Letterman or whatever. I love to meet them in person, but have no special desire to be on any sort of TV show like that. Never even put an ounce of thought into poxy shit like red carpet or Hollywood in general for that matter.

There is one show, one presenter (and one only) that I have a dream of meeting and being on. Jeremy Clarkson and his Top Gear. This man is absolutely special. I have enjoyed every single thing he has done. All his documentaries are amazing and I keep watching em' like the best documentaries I have ever seen. His presence and his style just fascinates me to no end.

Top Gear is the best thing on the tellie. Well I don't have a television and I don't watch it so I download everything but you get the idea.

Just watch this soliloquy from the last episode of the 13th series of Top Gear. Almost moved me to tears god damnit.

There are not a lot of people I have any special desire to meet. I have a few, most of them dead. Konstantin Stanslavski, Marlon Brando, Stella Adler, Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin, Albert Einstein. And now and for all times I can proudly add Jeremy Clarkson. Don't know how, don't know when, but I hope somehow I do get to sit on that couch driving a reasonably priced car and just have a laugh to be honest.

Enjoy, maybe we'll meet later Mr Clarkson.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Farting Preacher

I know most of you readers (No I dont, thank god) but I know you well enough to give you something on your level, something that you will appreciate. THE Farting Preacher. Enough with poems, shakespeare, philosophy for one day so I am hitting you where you are most comfortable with tits and asses. Enjoy bitches

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Konstantin Stanislavski

What an amazing genius this man was. Truly a genius. I really wish he was still around so I could fly to The Moscow Art Theater and see him perform. Done reading Songs My Mother Taught Me by Marlon Brando a few days ago and started on Stanislavki's second book in the series of three, Building A Character. And I'll say it again, the man is a genius. His 'system' is to acting what Einstein's Theory of Relativity was to science. When I come across kids (because that's what they are usually, to be honest) and they don't got a clue who Stanislavki is I fucking laugh at their faces. Desperate idiots who got a hard-on for fame, the red carpet, money, houses and cars and don't really give two fucks about acting at all. Just a means to fame and cash. Makes me fucking vomit.

I got acting classes starting in September that is devoted to Stanislavski's 'system' of acting. It's 2h long, 12 times on Thursday evenings and I can't wait. A bit nervous of course but excited non the less. The question is though... is it going to happen at all? Because if too few people sign up for the class it won't start at all, which is a bit worrying. I've sent Kulturama an email (a week ago) still haven't gotten an answer as to the status of if it's going to get of it's feet or what. :/ And my favorite (but getting increasingly frustrated) bookshop Adlibris won't send me my books that I have ordered, a week ago that as well. I ordered a packet of 12 of Shakespeare's plays, the last book in Stanislavki's series of guide to acting, Creating A Character, and a classic book which I heard should be awesome, The Prophet by Khalil Gibran... Alas. Life.