A Sanskrit Proverb

Look To This Day
For it is life,
The very life of life.
In its brief course lie all
The realities and verities of existence,
The bliss of growth,
The splendor of action,
The glory of power . . .

For yesterday is but a dream,
And tomorrow is only a vision.
But today, well lived,
Makes every yesterday a dream of
happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of
hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day.

- Sanskrit Proverb

What To Do...?

Still thinking about John Cazale... If only he had an autobiographical book I could read. 

So, I am unsure what to do next. I don't want to stay in Sweden that's obvious. I just might go and do an audition for RADA for the three year course. Imagine going to school for THREE years though, gosh. I'll be 28 by the time I finish IF I GET IN ON MY FIRST AUDITION. Humm.. what to do what to do. I'd like to do more film stuff. I still think that theater will be a great foundation experience for me, but I am definitely more inclined for film in my nature then theater. It became quickly obvious 2-3 weeks into RADA summer course that there is a lot more bodily gesticulation and motions (obviously) then I thought, a bit disconcerting for my taste.

I got an email from a great old friend, a friend I met in San Diego and whom I later met up in Istanbul and had a great time with, looks like she joined the Peace Corp and is working as a teacher in a, what sounds like, a looovely part in Romania with Vineyards and hills and stuff. I'd love to go there for a while, just chilling and relaxing (like I haven't done that enough, but need a change of scenery :P) and hang out with my old travel buddy and indulge more of my photography. I'm probably going to get me a Nikon FM2n (I'd love to have a FM3A but way expencive, 400 bucks or something).

Humm... what to do, what to do?

3 years RADA, travel, or at least get a frigging job like a normal human while I think about it, jeez. I still miss all my mates from my summer class, the friday night before we left was so much fun. I am usualy not a club guy but that was amazing fun.

The Blog That Keeps On Giving

I really should keep up with my blog again. I am stunned at the good things in it (look at me bigging up my own blog). No but really. Just did a quick scroll down and found an amazing bit of question from Samuel Taylor Coleridge

"What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep, you dreamed? And what

if, in your dream, you went to heaven and there plucked a strange

and beautiful flower? And what if, when you awoke, you had the

flower in your hand? Ah, what then?"

Isn't that beautiful? I forgot about that. And also the documentary about John Cazale... wow. If you just found this blog or whatever, please do yourself a favour, watch this 30 minute documentary about an incredibly fantastic actor. I'll be brooding over the way he acted and take it to heart in hopes to learn something from him. "If I have seen further, it's because I stood on the shoulders of giants". Please please watch it. Thank you.

Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts Summer School

I should first do a little notice and explain why I have been absent. I sort of lost interest a little bit and nothing special was happening up to going to RADA and I didn't feel like talk about myself (because that is so boring let's be honest, keeping this pro and not personal, although that is what people want to read the most).

It's over! I can't believe it, didn't even feel like it ever began. Damn times flies by so fast. Two weeks in it felt like it had been two months, when it was all over felt like it had been two days, go figure. For anyone wondering, it was amazing fun. We were thirteen funny poeple, all sorts of folks who got together and for four weeks had an amazing experience together. As usual, out of 13 people we were only 3 guys, yet there are by far a lot more male roles then female roles out there, what the fak? 

As far as the course goes, we did a Shakespearian play, Measure For Measure. We didn't do the whole thing though, we did like a boiled-down 40 minute version where the same character was played by different people. I for example played the strict and weak (in some aspects) Lord Angelo. More specifically Act 2 Scene 4 with my co-actor Colleen who played Isabella wonderfully, great cast as far as I am concerned. 

I also played a tiny Lord Angelo bit at the beginning of Act 5 Scene 1 then quickly switched over to playing the Duke for the last bit where Angelo is put into his place and he admits his wrong-doings and I sort everything out. 

I am so happy I managed to do a short but fun Shakespeare play! And Angelo was an interesting character and I love my scene (Act 2 Scene 4) I think it was very interestingly directed by our teacher/director the sweet Brigit Panet. 

We Did a lot more then just doing a Shakespeare play though. We had a ton of voice classes, monologue class, stage combat, stage fight (fencing) and perhaps the best class of them all... DANCING. Guess what the teacher's name is? Dr. Dance. BOOM. Let it hit you like a ton of bricks. Well, his actual name is Darren but he is known as Dr. Dance a.k.a. The God of Dance. We did a HUGE dance routine with ALL the other groups (The summer course kids were split into six groups, with about 13 people in each group) at the last day and our class (the best class if you ask me) we were the mighty and elegant Peacocks! We had lovely masks on and everything. And at the end after a few dranks (yes, I say dranks) Dr. Dance went wild and did a solo dance-off to "I Will Survive". Am now forever in love with another male. 

Our class was so funny. We had all sorts of people. A few young girls, a few old girls. A few experienced people and a few un-experienced. I think everyone pulled together at the end and did a great performance. After our performance (we did it at like 11am or something) me and my filipino casanova friend Carlos went to get some food and we both were super tired at the beginning of the first week, after we had done our show though, we both were so pumped we could've done a brand new play straight away! Alas.

Now back in Sweden though I have NO IDEA what to do next, have no clue where to turn to. Perhaps audition for a the full three year course? I have a feeling that would be boring though. Three years is such a long time, I was slightly feeling I wanted to do something new at the beginning of the last week there. Uh, no idea what to do.

Still though, I went to RADA for a whole month (there should be 40 days in a month from now on) had a BLAST the night after it was over (by the way, fuck bowling) when we all went partying and I did ALL OF THAT (and a bag of chips) and now am at home. Kind of feels like my USA adventure, sometimes when I look back I can't believe I actually did that. "Did I do that? Cool"

Now everyone wants me to get Facebook "By popular demand" "Gone but not forgotten". I miss everyone from class.

Off to new adventures, I'll try to keep the blog updated more from now on, and I might add details about the specific classes in the future. Anything in particular you want to know? Email me.

Off to new adventures!

First Day At RADA

A good one!

I am not interested anymore to tell people in the future what I did or do in these days of writing anymore. I'm just always looking out the window. Even when I was in these acting classes, always looking out the window, over the next hill, the next curve and all that jazz.

I'm just don't want to tell people what I am up to, I live a solo life.

BUT our head-teacher told us to log what we do, so I am going to blog about that! What goes on in my head... phew, don't bother, driving me nuts, I should see a physiatrist, but they are neither worth my money nor time, time sink.

Anyway, we started off at 9.30am, we all basically checked in and got our fobs so we can walk freely around RADA and all that good stuff. Again, mostly girls in the group, which is alright but I'd like to have more men to get inspiration or whatever, to see how other guys do it, we got two other dudes though, better then nothing, seems like fun guys as well so yeah.

What is it with guys and acting classes, why are there 90% women? When we were sitting in the main theater room I saw a feeeew dudes, not that many, again mostly women, a bit boring but whatever.

The people in my class are cool though, all sorts of people. Uh, before I forget, 90% americans :) or north americans. Funny is that? Funny to me.

Not sure what to write, my mind is somewhere else. Kenshin OAV series has me on a emotional rollercoster the pasts weeks. I can't get this song out of my ears.

Don't watch the video of this youtube clips, just listened to the song. Of course the song means nothing to you, but it has emotional memories going wild in my memories.

RADA good though, we did bunch of stuff bla bla bla, my mind is somewhere else.

I feel Kenshin. It was a bit the same when watching Runway Train, was almost like watching my self riding on that train.

We are going to do Measure For Measure, so I'll go and read that. Later

Alan Watts On Death

I feel like making a video of this as my last film for my beginners filmmaker class.

"Going to sleep, and never waking up"

Funny that. Alan Watts died in his sleep due to heart failure. A case of art imitating life perhaps.

UPDATE: Can't believe this video is gone, thank god I saved it on mp3, feel yourself unlucky. Do send an email if you are curious as to what this clip was.

Gorillas

"Hey Leon, want to go clubbing?

"no"

"Hey Leon, want to go to this or that movie premier Brad Pitt and bla bla is going to be there?"

"no"

"Leon, want to go and check out maybe buy a new car?"
"no"

"Go hit on hot chicks at the beach?"
"no"

I rather do this

C ya later.

To the reader-

"This figure that thou here seest put

It was for gentle Shakespeare cut

Wherein the graver had a strife

With nature to outdo the life

O, could he but have drawn his wit

As well in brass he hath hit

His face, the print would then surpass

All that was ever writ in brass!

But since he cannot, reader, look

Not on his picture, but his book."

- Ben Jonson

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

"What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep, you dreamed? And what

if, in your dream, you went to heaven and there plucked a strange

and beautiful flower? And what if, when you awoke, you had the

flower in your hand? Ah, what then?"

... ah, what then?

The cold is gone! And here is some philosophy. It's boring talking about the philosophy of acting, I know it, I get it, I understand and realize the truth and the great idea behind acting then all of my teachers I feel like, and that's saying something.

Like I said, I am not going to post the petty meaningless posts about how my last shit break was like every odd person does, this blog is for the future, it's how I navigated through and became the actor I am today (in the future).

So here is some amazing documentaries about three philosophers, Friedrich Nietzsche, Martin Heidegger, Jean-Paul Sartre.

Forget about acting and you'll be a better actor because of it.

John Cazale Addendum

I should do a longer post about John Cazale I think. I felt like the documentary would speak more highly then I ever could so I kept it short. If Brando showed me how to naturally act in primary parts John opened up the fact that playing secondary roles, he just owns that role and does it as if it's better then primary roles.

I've always known that playing secondary roles over primary if the part is good is a 'common sense' thing, of course you would do it, but he just blew up the whole thing even further.

Quality over quantity.

That documentary really touched me, he seemed like a lovely soul.

I've got such a bad cold, I think I might die tonight.

John Cazale - I Knew It Was You

An poignant and touching short documentary (30something minutes) about the fine actor John Cazale.

http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/MMpEOEMXGaY/

Koyaanisqatsi

Take out an hour and a half out of your life, lean back, and enjoy.

Ben

Here is a documentary about Ben, a struggling heroin addict. This is GOLD for the actor, a perfect testament of human behavior of a person who is in this case a heroin addict. Not only is it very touching and I was rooting for Ben and the documentary made me sad an actor has to at the same time just bask in this perfect example of how a human is.

If you as an actor ain't watching things like this to learn from, instead of watching fucking Twilight or whatever you are not an actor, you are just a hack.

Very moving and great docu, RIP buddy.

Out Of Here

Yea, it's all clear in my head now. I got to move to London or whatever, get out of here. Time to get the ball rolling. If I stay here much longer I am going to either kill myself or everyone around me. I am about to blow, and once I leave, I am never going to come back if I have even the SLIGHTEST possibility of staying. If I head the fucking vacuum cleaner again, I'm going to draw a knife across my wrists (I can hear it downstairs as we speak).

I find some solace fucking off to cinemataket who treat me with amazing films, saw A Clockwork Orange the other day (in a cinema, imagine that, and 2001: A Space Odyssey is coming up) , a story in itself that anecdote. And also going to library and reading reading and reading. After about two hours my brain is a bit knackered, take a pause, go back. Writing this I thought of more blog posts to do, i'll do it a bit later, spread 'em out a little bit. 

So there, people can look back on spring 2010 and go "Yep, he was frustrated beyond belief" 

The Miyazaki Temple

I don't feel like writing entires about me being fed up, so I am not going to, still looking forward to leaving to London, might overstay my welcome there. Here is a fantastic hour long documentary from one of my heroes in life, Hayao Miyazaki and his Studio Ghibli.

Philosophy Is Great

I'm warming up to it a lot lately, and it ties together great with acting and theater as well. You most not forget that just living the life of a person who studies acting solely will greatly hinder the actor, he should strive to explore and learn of life in general as much as acting. More actually since life is infinitely wider field then specifically acting. 

I am reading Sophie's World which is a popular philosophy book for the beginners. And the author Jostein Gaarder writes down a bit about how Shakespeare contemplated life a lot (as we of course know), a little excerpt from said book;

"In As You Like It, he says:

All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players,

They have their exits and their entrances;

And one man in his time plays many parts."

Again proving and showing the fact that acting should be exactly what everyday life is, no theatrical bollocks. Act the way human act.

Jostein then gives another quote, and it shows a bit how Shakespeare later in life might have become more dark towards the idea of life and stuff like that.

"And in Macbeth, he says:

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player

That struts and frets his our upon the stage

And then is heard no more: it is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing."

Great isn't it? Great insight into an author perhaps. A final quote that struck with me though was from a ancient chinese philosopher Chuang-tzu who famously said/wrote 

"Once I dreamed I was a butterfly, and now I no longer know whether I am Chuang-tzu who dreamed I was a butterfly, 

or whether I am a butterfly dreaming that I am Chuang-tzu"

Food for thought.

Documentary on Nietzsche

For those who are interested in philosophy. I am trying to get my teeth into philosophy and meditation more and more, quite interesting.

The Issue With Working Out

A year ago today I stopped my five year practice of going to the gym five times a week (Monday to Friday). I kept this up for more or less five years with a week break here and there (mostly to let the body rest) and perhaps a month vacation once or twice. 

I started at a nice weight of 120 pounds at 5'10" or 5'11" whatever I am, and stopped at 175ish pounds, not bad I'd say. 

I stopped working out for two reasons, the first being I got a lot more involved with acting (mentally, which is what counts) and I quickly figured out that you can't be ripped and be a proper actor, it just doesn't work. Imagine playing RIchard III or whatever with bulging muscles, come on. And I got a bit tired of working out. I had reached m goal (and then some) and it felt like that this challenge was done and dusted, on to the next big challenge, which is now acting, i.e I have to be very very good and successful then I can dump it and move a long too. Maybe start a charity next or do some philanthropic adventures. 

Having said all this though, I might start working out a bit again, it's quite enjoyable and i have nothing fun to do between now and RADA and I want to keep myself busy. I still absolutely love reading my books and I do it quite a lot but you can't sit and read for hours on end, it's mostly a thing I do in the late hours when my room is full of lit candles etc. I love candle light by the way, totally dumped electric lights these last few days and just used candle lights, it really sets to mood for a nice film or book I tell ya. I really should get to buying a pipe or a few cigars soon again.

The other night after watching Runaway Train I was emotional the whole night until I finally slept. I still can't listen to the end tune that you hear in the film that I linked to in a earlier post, it just brings backs the memories of the situation, the film and all that. THAT what films/acting is about isn't it? When it touches someone like that. Not going to lie though, acting isn't end-all be-all of my life, by no means at all. It's mostly a JOB that I love to do. Don't get me wrong I love the art of acting and I (sometimes) can't get enough of it but at the end of the day there are a million other things I want to spend my time doing too. I would literally give up my life to walk on the moon or mars.

This post is quickly spinning out of hand, a lot happening in this little brain. My point was when I started writing was that I used to work out, I quit, might start again, 2-3 times a week to keep busy, that is all. Jesus christ... 

Beuatiful Death + Poem

[Source: kottke.org]

I thought this pic was really beautiful and doesn't make you believe what it really is, a beautiful death. It kind of is an iconic picture automatically for me... a bit odd.

I'll copy and paste what kottke.org wrote I hope they don't mind but I can't be paraphrasing :)

"On May 1, 1947, Evelyn McHale leapt to her death from the observation deck of the Empire State Building. Photographer Robert Wiles took a photo of McHale a few minutes after her death.

The photo ran a couple of weeks later in Life magazine accompanied by the following caption:

On May Day, just after leaving her fiancé, 23-year-old Evelyn McHale wrote a note. 'He is much better off without me ... I wouldn't make a good wife for anybody,' ... Then she crossed it out. She went to the observation platform of the Empire State Building. Through the mist she gazed at the street, 86 floors below. Then she jumped. In her desperate determination she leaped clear of the setbacks and hit a United Nations limousine parked at the curb. Across the street photography student Robert Wiles heard an explosive crash. Just four minutes after Evelyn McHale's death Wiles got this picture of death's violence and its composure.

From McHale's NY Times obituary, Empire State Ends Life of Girl, 20:

At 10:40 A. M., Patrolman John Morrissey of Traffic C, directing traffic at Thirty-fourth Street and Fifth Avenue, noticed a swirling white scarf floating down from the upper floors of the Empire State. A moment later he heard a crash that sounded like an explosion. He saw a crowd converge in Thirty-third Street.

Two hundred feet west of Fifth Avenue, Miss McHale's body landed atop the car. The impact stove in the metal roof and shattered the car's windows. The driver was in a near-by drug store, thereby escaping death or serious injury.

On the observation deck, Detective Frank Murray of the West Thirtieth Street station, found Miss McHale's gray cloth coat, her pocketbook with several dollars and the note, and a make-up kit filled with family pictures.

The serenity of McHale's body amidst the crumpled wreckage it caused is astounding. Years later, Andy Warhol appropriated Wiles' photography for a print called Suicide (Fallen Body), but I can't find a copy of it anywhere online.Anyone?"

Fitting poem by Joyce Kilmer called "To A Young Poet Who Killed Himself"

"

To a Young Poet who Killed Himself

BY JOYCE KILMER

When you had played with life a space

And made it drink and lust and sing,

You flung it back into God's face

And thought you did a noble thing.

"Lo, I have lived and loved," you said,

"And sung to fools too dull to hear me.

Now for a cool and grassy bed

With violets in blossom near me."

Well, rest is good for weary feet,

Although they ran for no great prize;

And violets are very sweet,

Although their roots are in your eyes.

But hark to what the earthworms say

Who share with you your muddy haven:

"The fight was on — you ran away.

You are a coward and a craven."

"The rug is ruined where you bled;

It was a dirty way to die!

To put a bullet through your head

And make a silly woman cry!

You could not vex the merry stars

Nor make them heed you, dead or living.

Not all your puny anger mars

God's irresistible forgiving.

"Yes, God forgives and men forget,

And you're forgiven and forgotten.

You may be gaily sinning yet

And quick and fresh instead of rotten.

And when you think of love and fame

And all that might have come to pass,

Then don't you feel a little shame?

And don't you think you were an ass?""